soulfully stuck

by tony
(missouri, USA)

This is the first time I have ever seen a tittle for what my whole life has been. It has only been a couple months that I have started to find you all, by that I mean people that aren't asleep at the wheel of life, and It has flamed back in me a light and passion that I had almost felt die. I have felt lost my entire life because I could never understand why people fight and harm each other so much. I would always try to get people to work together and be understanding of each other and it seem like even the few who were interested in seeing the other person side they couldn't. It wasn't till later in life that I discover there is no other side. It is in fact all the same side because everything is connected. I would retreat from the world and life because people didn't make sense. I lived in my own head and by my own rules. I refused to be like everyone else not because I didn't want to fit in, I just could be mean for personal gain and it seemed all roads led there, so I walked my own. Well, to say the least being a lone wolf, so to speak, means there's no help when you fall. And I fell hard. I got sent to prison for 4 years and lost everything that I loved. It was in that madness that I learned that the only way to find peace in to be peaceful no matter what. I learned that even in the worst situation you can find beauty and kindness. I could see even there that there seemed to be less of a drive for people to harm each other. That started to give me hope and since my time there was done I have dedicated my life to helping everyone I meet see the truth of life. And that is that love is the only truth and even the most horrific act is just a symptom of people seeing themselves as separate from each other and that the only way to mend that bond is through love. I am a soon to be father of 4 now. I have a loving woman and I love my life. The problem is I feel a calling and that calling would mean leaving all that I love behind and I don't know what to do cause it feels like my heart is teling me to follow the call, but it's telling that it will hurt the ones I love if I go. Please help